Chapter 26

It's December.

My mother is looking at apartments, mostly three bedrooms but also two bedrooms, if she's desperate enough. She really wants to divorce my dad and I'm not sure if I'm happy about it or not. Like I want her to be happy, but we'd literally have no money left. Dad would have to buy everything for us and I would actually have to use my work money to buy myself clothes and such.

The apartment she found has two bedroom, two bathrooms, and allows two animals. We would bring Lucy and Mila. Maxx would stay with Dad wherever he would end up. It's also walking distance to all of my friend's houses basically, which is always nice. That would make it a lot easier to actually see my friends.

Last night, I talked about the apartment and the divorce in support group at Treehouse. It's kind of a big thing for me because I've only talked at Treehouse once, and the last time I did, it was over something completely stupid. Okay, not completely, but it wasn't important enough.

This however, was important. Everyone there could relate to either the divorce or Diane's death, which is what I talked about. I took up the whole time, sparing a few minutes for Garrett. But I think everyone knew that when I open up about things, it's usually serious. As I was getting support, I felt myself growing closer to everyone in that room. Including Taylor, Garrett, David, Nick, Maria, and Leticia. I haven't really talked to any of them except for Garrett and Nick. Like I've talked to David but not a lot, and I haven't gotten real with him.

The support I got helped me I think, I'm not sure. I just know I feel better having talked about it to anyone besides my mother. Lizzy doesn't even know.

Me and James are over, we're barely friends and I'm alright with it I guess. It's been about a week since it's all happened so I'm basically over it. As long as he's happy. And I can always find someone else, I think I'm somewhat attractive, but I'm not sure anymore.

I know that Tyler likes me, and that I'm kind of taking advantage of him. At the Halloween party, I was lonely and basically I was cuddling with him. When he asked me out on a date, I said yes, because I didn't know what else to say. He gave me his sweatshirt, because I was cold, and wrapped his arms around me. It really felt nice, I think.

Last Tuesday (Nov. 24) he went to Treehouse and for a while he was holding my hand then rubbing my back when we hugged and shit and I don't know if I like him or the attention he was giving me. It's been a little while since I've felt that kind of warmth from another person.

Right now, I don't even know if I want a relationship. I want what Bekah and Nick have. Oh by the way, they've had sex like four times now. Yep, my two best friends are having sex with each other and here I am all by myself, unfortunately. I want someone to love me the way Nick loves Bekah. I want the long hugs and spontaneous kisses. I want the trust you have to have to lose your virginity to them. They have that and I don't and it really sucks.

Anyways, I hung out with Hannah on Monday after my dentist appointment. We walked to Coopers and got Oreos, Peace Tea, and whipped cream. When we got back we watched Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List which was surprisingly a good movie, despite the fact it's totally stereotypical.

I can't believe I'm going back to this again but my life is starting to feel like The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I think it's because I actually have friends this year and there's actually drama and things happening and I'm actually getting close to people again. It feels really nice. I've missed having more than one friend to text and talk to on a daily basis.

The similarities of my life with Perks is making me want to watch the movie, really badly. I need to watch it soon, like maybe this weekend. I was supposed to watch it on Saturday with Tyler but something happened.

Friday night, I got really upset with my sister and I ended up running away basically. All I took was my phone, headphones, and my pennyboard. I left at 12:30 AM and only Matthew came to look for me, until I made him go back inside. With nowhere else to go, I went to Lizzy's house because I definitely didn't want to go home.

When I got back the next morning I got grounded and never ended up going to Tyler's, which he understood but I'm kind of disappointed. Hopefully we can do it this weekend but both of our schedules don't overlap very well and it takes effort from both sides.

This post is long enough, I'll end it here.

Love always,

Maddy

Chapter 15

My problem with these is that I keep telling myself to do them and then I forget so I forget for quite a while. I need to work on that. 

So today I skipped school. Nothing interesting came from it except getting to sleep longer and being home alone for a few hours. It was fun though. I read for a while and planned some of my new story. Hell, I even named it today. It took a while but I finally chose What We Had because I'm going to kill off the main guy in the end like John Green. Oops? 

I still haven't spoken to Lizzy. She's being a bitch to Julia about it and keeps asking her to give her homework over so she can copy it. Although Lizzy got a few assignments from Julia, she's failing a few classes and the others are soon-to-be failing classes. Not only that but she also has this friend Rachel that's apparently a girlfriend. Lizzy's known her for a few months and they're already planning on Lizzy going to Manchester (Rachel lives there) so they can meet up. But I have a feeling Rachel isn't who Lizzy thinks she is. 

Julia and I have been getting closer. We're constantly texting and hanging out mostly on the weekends. I can remember when I started this, I didn't like her but now I do. On Saturday we went to the mall and before that I would just go over to her house and we would talk for hours and play Minecraft. Doing all of this with her is making me feel like a normal teenager and not who I was a year ago let alone months ago. 

Makenna is reading a lot too. She seems to think that reading is the only thing that matters when in reality, she should be doing her homework. I know she has it but as soon as she got home she started reading and hasn't stopped since. Literally. She didn't even eat dinner or take a shower. 

Speaking of books, I got 100,000 reads on Abused! I started crying when I saw it and screamed because I never expected this. When I started writing it, I thought i would get a hundred reads or so but 100,000?! That's absolutely incredible and seriously a dream come true. I had always dreamed of getting 100,000 and now I have accomplished it. It's an indescribable feeling. 

Love always,

Maddy Iverson. 

Chapter 12

Okay hi! Let's just get right into then! 

The Lizzy drama has been getting worse; much worse. I haven't spoken to her since Thursday and today is Monday and nearly Tuesday. She was being a bitch and was telling me how her life was 10 times worse than mine. It just really pissed me off. She's been trying to get me to talk to her but lucky for me, it's winter break so I don't have to face her. 

Since Julia has been annoying me to give her my Tumblr, I decided to make a new one. And it's literally the best Tumblr I've ever had, it's that amazing. Rather than my old Tumblr which has a funny post every once in a while, this one is always funny. But when it's not funny it's got 5SOS, Ed Sheeran or the one and only One Direction on it. 

Remember in September when I said my laptop was broken? Well I finally got it fixed! Yay! I got all my old files of stories on there which makes me so, so, so, so happy because I thought I lost it all! I'm going to start backing it up on Google Drive now. 

So... Tomorrow is Christmas Eve which means Christmas is two days away which makes me very happy. I love Christmas and seeing my family! We have the Christmas tree up and some presents underneath. I've been wanting a piano keyboard but I'm most likely not going to get one. 

Speaking of music, I'm finally getting back into my ukulele. I can finally strum correctly and chuck. Also, I've mastered I'm Yours by Jason Mraz but then again, it's probably the easiest song to play. Either way I'm happy I can finally play a song and learn more songs. 

So I'm gonna go! I'll be telling you probably on the 26th what I got for Christmas so yeah! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 9

Today was quite eventful. 

To start it off, I ended up crying on the bus. I had a mental breakdown and I spent half the time on the bus trying not the cry and the other half crying. Some girl was sitting next to me (I didn't know her) and I was listening to music when I had a sudden realisation that my friends are leaving me. Before I started crying, Lizzy gave me Louis back and I pretended to be happy. But after the girl and Julia left, Lilly came and sat next to me as I wiped away remaining tears. I don't know if she knew that I was crying or not but she asked me if I was okay so I'm assuming she knew. 

Emily and Julia haven't really talked to me for weeks and Caroline soon joined them. Lizzy seems to be spending a shit more time with Julia, making me even more alone. I feel like they've all left me. And I've never felt more alone in my life. 

Even at our choir concert I felt alone. It was the first day I actually wore a short sleeved shirt because the scars in my wrist are starting to fade enough to not notice them as easily when I put concealer on them. It doesn't help that I made a complete fool out of myself. 

I don't think I want to go on with this...I'm tired and feel like writing a poem. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson