Chapter 28

Basically, I'm going through a hard time. For 3 months (end of July to end of October) I dated a boy named Aaron. He was the only boy I've ever loved, which is weird because I dated Nick longer. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to date Aaron longer. A lot longer. This was the first time I could see a future with a boy and now I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

He broke up with me because I was too clingy, because I wanted a text from him every couple of hours. While he was at a convention during my birthday (the most stressful time of the year), he ignored me for 6 hours and then said he didn't even want to talk to me all weekend. We had a little fight but I thought we made up and it was good.

Fights in a relationship does not mean a relationship is toxic.

But that's what he thought. The first time I saw him after he came back, he broke up with me. He cried while he was doing it, as he did the two other times too, but that's a different story. I didn't shed a tear. I still haven't shed a tear and it's been about 3-4 days.

So my plan is to sleep with Danker. Here's why:
1) help me get over Aaron
2) help him get over Megan
3) so Aaron can find out and get super mad or upset, I'm okay with either.

This breakup really fucked me up though. Aaron was also my best friend. I smoked with him, I hung out with him all the time, I texted him all the time. I'm trying to repress that part though and just find new people to hang out with.

Recently I've been hanging around Allen and Devon more surprisingly. I never thought me and Devon would be hanging out again but we did once and we just vibed together and I enjoyed spending time with him. He wanted me to go to Lions Tap with him and his mom but I declined. I need to be skinny again.

I came back to finish this a couple of days later, and I've completed my plan with Danker. I went to his house the other night and yeah, it happened. Me, a 17 year old girl, slept with a 21 year old. Who would've thought.

It's been a week since I've lost Aaron, and I still haven't cried. I feel kinda numb, but it's not terrible. Besides, I'd rather be numb than depressed as shit. I've been hanging out with a lot more people which is really nice. I think that's the part of me that's an extrovert; I need people to keep me going. If I don't have anything to think about I'm gonna think about Aaron, and then I'll get upset.

But like I said, I haven't cried so I'm obviously doing better than I could've been. I hate that I have to deal with this.

navy blue - the story so far

Maddy