Chapter 13

Nice to see you again! I know it's not the 26th but oh well, I'm still writing this. 

For Christmas I didn't get much. Only the Lady Gaga perfume, a scarf, candy, a skirt (that I wore Christmas Day), and I think that's it... I don't think I got anything else. 

I'm also waiting for some books I ordered Christmas night and I've been waiting since Thursday. The site says they should come today but guess what; they haven't. I got about £50 worth of books so yay! Most of them have to do with mental illness... Yeah. 

So New Years is coming up. I'm usually against the whole New Years Resolutions thing because you shouldn't wait until a new year to do stuff like lose weight but this year (technically next year) I made a list of what I want to do over the year. So it's more like a 2014 bucket list. I'm still adding stuff to it but here's what I have so far:

New Years Resolutions

1) finish a book

2) start doing daily writing prompts

3) eat less

4) find out who I am

5) read more books

6) drink more tea

7) learn how to play the ukulele 

8) fully transition into the name Lynn

9) make room more Tumblr

10) complete summer bucket list

11) start working out

12) get good grades

13) listen more

14) participate in NaNoWriMo

15) give more hugs 

16) be more optimistic 

17) laugh more

So I'm feeling good about that list. 

One of the things on the list is to fully transition into the word Lynn. It may be a bit confusing but I have my explanation. A few days ago, I was going through nicknames for Madeline for some reason and I found a lot of different spellings of Maddy and then I came across Lynn. It got me in this deep thought of changing my name to Lynn because it actually fits Madeline and I don't know anyone with that name. So I've decided to change my name to Lynn. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to change it in the middle of the school year. I'm planning on changing it to Lynn when I go to high school so the new students call me Lynn, all the teachers know me as Lynn and my old school mates get that I'm changing it so they call me Lynn. I'm excited to change it so I'll start signing off with that now. 

I think that's it... I'll be writing soon! 

Love always, 

Lynn Iverson. 

Chapter 12

Okay hi! Let's just get right into then! 

The Lizzy drama has been getting worse; much worse. I haven't spoken to her since Thursday and today is Monday and nearly Tuesday. She was being a bitch and was telling me how her life was 10 times worse than mine. It just really pissed me off. She's been trying to get me to talk to her but lucky for me, it's winter break so I don't have to face her. 

Since Julia has been annoying me to give her my Tumblr, I decided to make a new one. And it's literally the best Tumblr I've ever had, it's that amazing. Rather than my old Tumblr which has a funny post every once in a while, this one is always funny. But when it's not funny it's got 5SOS, Ed Sheeran or the one and only One Direction on it. 

Remember in September when I said my laptop was broken? Well I finally got it fixed! Yay! I got all my old files of stories on there which makes me so, so, so, so happy because I thought I lost it all! I'm going to start backing it up on Google Drive now. 

So... Tomorrow is Christmas Eve which means Christmas is two days away which makes me very happy. I love Christmas and seeing my family! We have the Christmas tree up and some presents underneath. I've been wanting a piano keyboard but I'm most likely not going to get one. 

Speaking of music, I'm finally getting back into my ukulele. I can finally strum correctly and chuck. Also, I've mastered I'm Yours by Jason Mraz but then again, it's probably the easiest song to play. Either way I'm happy I can finally play a song and learn more songs. 

So I'm gonna go! I'll be telling you probably on the 26th what I got for Christmas so yeah! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 11

Secret Santa was today; that was fun! Although I didn't get to stick around because I had a book blog meeting in the library during lunch. But I finally got the present I've been wanting for weeks now! Well, ever since summer really. Ava got me and gave me a ton of stuff and I love her for it! My present to Alexis wasn't too fancy, just some sweets and a phone case. I also gave her one of my charms that I sorta collect because I was feeling nice. I hope she liked it. Here's a picture of what Ava got me:

The thing on the scarf is a bracelet. She made both the scarf and the bracelet which is super cool! She also got me tea and some British candy which is rikenrjdjekrkejehndnrjer and a phone case that says "Patty Cakes" do to a inside joke involving The Perks Of Being a Wallflower. 

But last night wasn't too good for me. I may or may not have had a mental breakdown and tried to kill myself. It was nothing major, I just tried strangling myself and I almost passed out. I don't think it's possible to even strangle yourself anyways so I guess I'll have to find another way. Pills were my first option and I didn't have any in hand at the moment, making it impossible for me to successfully do it. 

Nothing else really happened. I've been writing and reading a lot though if that counts and been doing some more crafts such as spray painting a skull that I named Ezra. 

With just an hour or so until I need to get my pictures up, I think I'm going to read more. I'm trying to finish up Eleanor & Park. It's a really good book! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 10

A big load of shit has been happening. So let's start with the stuff that's bothering me the most. 

Lizzy's apparently cutting again and wants to kill herself. In my mind, it's selfish. Hear me out, okay? So she drops the bomb on Julia and I and expect us to like, heal her or something. We keep saying that we love her and shit but she keeps saying how "love isn't enough" and shit. It's so annoying. I do feel a little guilty though. She sent us a long paragraph explaining it and I showed it to my mom and my mom called Anne (Lizzy's mom) and I think she's thinking about sending her somewhere. I'm a bit worried but I hope she gets better if this is actually real and not a way to seek attention.  She's a very big attention seeker. 

Along with the Lizzy drama, we have the Emily and Caroline drama. So Caroline is pissed at Julia for some reason and I got dragged into it. Caroline also convinced Emily to hate her so that's happening. Julia and I have been sticking together and are in a fight with Caroline and Emily. From the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong but if you get deeper you'd see that we've been in this fight for about 2 weeks now. In short, we're all in a fight but no one has noticed because we're eating lunch together. 

It seems that David and I are drifting. I have a theory it has to do with me spending more and more time with Julia. She's great company. Although, I do miss talking to David all the time. He's very sweet and makes me feel just a little bit better about myself. 

It makes me feel just the bit better. 

Very good news; my scars on my wrist have faded! I'm now able to wear whatever I want and not have to wear a jacket so yay! 

Bad news again. Julia and I got the chance to meet Bethany Mota (MacBarbie07) at the MOA but when we got there, there was already about 600 people ahead of us so we didn't get to meet her. The thing that really makes me upset is that we actually went there thinking we were going to get to meet her opposed to when I saw One Direction there two years ago and I actually knew I wasn't going to meet them. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. 

I think I'm done ranting now, so byeeeeee! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 9

Today was quite eventful. 

To start it off, I ended up crying on the bus. I had a mental breakdown and I spent half the time on the bus trying not the cry and the other half crying. Some girl was sitting next to me (I didn't know her) and I was listening to music when I had a sudden realisation that my friends are leaving me. Before I started crying, Lizzy gave me Louis back and I pretended to be happy. But after the girl and Julia left, Lilly came and sat next to me as I wiped away remaining tears. I don't know if she knew that I was crying or not but she asked me if I was okay so I'm assuming she knew. 

Emily and Julia haven't really talked to me for weeks and Caroline soon joined them. Lizzy seems to be spending a shit more time with Julia, making me even more alone. I feel like they've all left me. And I've never felt more alone in my life. 

Even at our choir concert I felt alone. It was the first day I actually wore a short sleeved shirt because the scars in my wrist are starting to fade enough to not notice them as easily when I put concealer on them. It doesn't help that I made a complete fool out of myself. 

I don't think I want to go on with this...I'm tired and feel like writing a poem. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 8

Been a while, huh? I apologise, I'm not exactly in the mood to write a blog lost especially what this one is going to be about. 

I've been getting bad again. There's new scars covering my forearm and I haven't eaten in a while. But on the good side, I should be skinny by 2014 if I eat less than 700 calories every day and exercise. It's a good thought. 

As for the whole cutting thing, I don't know how to explain that. I've been trying to clear them up on my arm and continue somewhere hidden, I hate having to hide them under long sleeve shirts of which I'm running out of. 

Lizzy and I are planning to make a movie. It reminds me of The Perks Of Beinf a Wallflower but we're doing it different. Olivia is going to be a cross dresser in it! And I'm trying to get Matthew, my brother, in it. It's going to be mostly improv and hilarious. 

There's someone that I met a while back (elementary school) that has sort of made a comeback into my life. David Lyon. Yes, a guy! He likes to write and read, play video games and we basically have a ton in common. It's a nice thought. We both support Manchester United and Chelsea which is quite amazing and we talk about football often. We've been talking for a few weeks and well, it makes me happy. He sends me goodnight poems sometimes or good morning poems... He's an amazing writer. He never shares his work though which is disappointing. One more thing about him, he's in love with someone. I don't know who it is though. I had a feeling it was me but I know for a fact now that it isn't. Nobody likes me. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson