Chapter 13

Nice to see you again! I know it's not the 26th but oh well, I'm still writing this. 

For Christmas I didn't get much. Only the Lady Gaga perfume, a scarf, candy, a skirt (that I wore Christmas Day), and I think that's it... I don't think I got anything else. 

I'm also waiting for some books I ordered Christmas night and I've been waiting since Thursday. The site says they should come today but guess what; they haven't. I got about £50 worth of books so yay! Most of them have to do with mental illness... Yeah. 

So New Years is coming up. I'm usually against the whole New Years Resolutions thing because you shouldn't wait until a new year to do stuff like lose weight but this year (technically next year) I made a list of what I want to do over the year. So it's more like a 2014 bucket list. I'm still adding stuff to it but here's what I have so far:

New Years Resolutions

1) finish a book

2) start doing daily writing prompts

3) eat less

4) find out who I am

5) read more books

6) drink more tea

7) learn how to play the ukulele 

8) fully transition into the name Lynn

9) make room more Tumblr

10) complete summer bucket list

11) start working out

12) get good grades

13) listen more

14) participate in NaNoWriMo

15) give more hugs 

16) be more optimistic 

17) laugh more

So I'm feeling good about that list. 

One of the things on the list is to fully transition into the word Lynn. It may be a bit confusing but I have my explanation. A few days ago, I was going through nicknames for Madeline for some reason and I found a lot of different spellings of Maddy and then I came across Lynn. It got me in this deep thought of changing my name to Lynn because it actually fits Madeline and I don't know anyone with that name. So I've decided to change my name to Lynn. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to change it in the middle of the school year. I'm planning on changing it to Lynn when I go to high school so the new students call me Lynn, all the teachers know me as Lynn and my old school mates get that I'm changing it so they call me Lynn. I'm excited to change it so I'll start signing off with that now. 

I think that's it... I'll be writing soon! 

Love always, 

Lynn Iverson. 

Chapter 12

Okay hi! Let's just get right into then! 

The Lizzy drama has been getting worse; much worse. I haven't spoken to her since Thursday and today is Monday and nearly Tuesday. She was being a bitch and was telling me how her life was 10 times worse than mine. It just really pissed me off. She's been trying to get me to talk to her but lucky for me, it's winter break so I don't have to face her. 

Since Julia has been annoying me to give her my Tumblr, I decided to make a new one. And it's literally the best Tumblr I've ever had, it's that amazing. Rather than my old Tumblr which has a funny post every once in a while, this one is always funny. But when it's not funny it's got 5SOS, Ed Sheeran or the one and only One Direction on it. 

Remember in September when I said my laptop was broken? Well I finally got it fixed! Yay! I got all my old files of stories on there which makes me so, so, so, so happy because I thought I lost it all! I'm going to start backing it up on Google Drive now. 

So... Tomorrow is Christmas Eve which means Christmas is two days away which makes me very happy. I love Christmas and seeing my family! We have the Christmas tree up and some presents underneath. I've been wanting a piano keyboard but I'm most likely not going to get one. 

Speaking of music, I'm finally getting back into my ukulele. I can finally strum correctly and chuck. Also, I've mastered I'm Yours by Jason Mraz but then again, it's probably the easiest song to play. Either way I'm happy I can finally play a song and learn more songs. 

So I'm gonna go! I'll be telling you probably on the 26th what I got for Christmas so yeah! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 11

Secret Santa was today; that was fun! Although I didn't get to stick around because I had a book blog meeting in the library during lunch. But I finally got the present I've been wanting for weeks now! Well, ever since summer really. Ava got me and gave me a ton of stuff and I love her for it! My present to Alexis wasn't too fancy, just some sweets and a phone case. I also gave her one of my charms that I sorta collect because I was feeling nice. I hope she liked it. Here's a picture of what Ava got me:

The thing on the scarf is a bracelet. She made both the scarf and the bracelet which is super cool! She also got me tea and some British candy which is rikenrjdjekrkejehndnrjer and a phone case that says "Patty Cakes" do to a inside joke involving The Perks Of Being a Wallflower. 

But last night wasn't too good for me. I may or may not have had a mental breakdown and tried to kill myself. It was nothing major, I just tried strangling myself and I almost passed out. I don't think it's possible to even strangle yourself anyways so I guess I'll have to find another way. Pills were my first option and I didn't have any in hand at the moment, making it impossible for me to successfully do it. 

Nothing else really happened. I've been writing and reading a lot though if that counts and been doing some more crafts such as spray painting a skull that I named Ezra. 

With just an hour or so until I need to get my pictures up, I think I'm going to read more. I'm trying to finish up Eleanor & Park. It's a really good book! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 10

A big load of shit has been happening. So let's start with the stuff that's bothering me the most. 

Lizzy's apparently cutting again and wants to kill herself. In my mind, it's selfish. Hear me out, okay? So she drops the bomb on Julia and I and expect us to like, heal her or something. We keep saying that we love her and shit but she keeps saying how "love isn't enough" and shit. It's so annoying. I do feel a little guilty though. She sent us a long paragraph explaining it and I showed it to my mom and my mom called Anne (Lizzy's mom) and I think she's thinking about sending her somewhere. I'm a bit worried but I hope she gets better if this is actually real and not a way to seek attention.  She's a very big attention seeker. 

Along with the Lizzy drama, we have the Emily and Caroline drama. So Caroline is pissed at Julia for some reason and I got dragged into it. Caroline also convinced Emily to hate her so that's happening. Julia and I have been sticking together and are in a fight with Caroline and Emily. From the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong but if you get deeper you'd see that we've been in this fight for about 2 weeks now. In short, we're all in a fight but no one has noticed because we're eating lunch together. 

It seems that David and I are drifting. I have a theory it has to do with me spending more and more time with Julia. She's great company. Although, I do miss talking to David all the time. He's very sweet and makes me feel just a little bit better about myself. 

It makes me feel just the bit better. 

Very good news; my scars on my wrist have faded! I'm now able to wear whatever I want and not have to wear a jacket so yay! 

Bad news again. Julia and I got the chance to meet Bethany Mota (MacBarbie07) at the MOA but when we got there, there was already about 600 people ahead of us so we didn't get to meet her. The thing that really makes me upset is that we actually went there thinking we were going to get to meet her opposed to when I saw One Direction there two years ago and I actually knew I wasn't going to meet them. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. 

I think I'm done ranting now, so byeeeeee! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 9

Today was quite eventful. 

To start it off, I ended up crying on the bus. I had a mental breakdown and I spent half the time on the bus trying not the cry and the other half crying. Some girl was sitting next to me (I didn't know her) and I was listening to music when I had a sudden realisation that my friends are leaving me. Before I started crying, Lizzy gave me Louis back and I pretended to be happy. But after the girl and Julia left, Lilly came and sat next to me as I wiped away remaining tears. I don't know if she knew that I was crying or not but she asked me if I was okay so I'm assuming she knew. 

Emily and Julia haven't really talked to me for weeks and Caroline soon joined them. Lizzy seems to be spending a shit more time with Julia, making me even more alone. I feel like they've all left me. And I've never felt more alone in my life. 

Even at our choir concert I felt alone. It was the first day I actually wore a short sleeved shirt because the scars in my wrist are starting to fade enough to not notice them as easily when I put concealer on them. It doesn't help that I made a complete fool out of myself. 

I don't think I want to go on with this...I'm tired and feel like writing a poem. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 8

Been a while, huh? I apologise, I'm not exactly in the mood to write a blog lost especially what this one is going to be about. 

I've been getting bad again. There's new scars covering my forearm and I haven't eaten in a while. But on the good side, I should be skinny by 2014 if I eat less than 700 calories every day and exercise. It's a good thought. 

As for the whole cutting thing, I don't know how to explain that. I've been trying to clear them up on my arm and continue somewhere hidden, I hate having to hide them under long sleeve shirts of which I'm running out of. 

Lizzy and I are planning to make a movie. It reminds me of The Perks Of Beinf a Wallflower but we're doing it different. Olivia is going to be a cross dresser in it! And I'm trying to get Matthew, my brother, in it. It's going to be mostly improv and hilarious. 

There's someone that I met a while back (elementary school) that has sort of made a comeback into my life. David Lyon. Yes, a guy! He likes to write and read, play video games and we basically have a ton in common. It's a nice thought. We both support Manchester United and Chelsea which is quite amazing and we talk about football often. We've been talking for a few weeks and well, it makes me happy. He sends me goodnight poems sometimes or good morning poems... He's an amazing writer. He never shares his work though which is disappointing. One more thing about him, he's in love with someone. I don't know who it is though. I had a feeling it was me but I know for a fact now that it isn't. Nobody likes me. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 7

Well that last post was short. 

Yesterday I went to Emily's with Julia. Yes, no Lizzy thank god. She annoys me plus it gave me a chance to talk about her and sorta put myself out there. Not in that way but more of a way that I can make new and better friends. Lizzy's kinda annoying me anyways. She's just been acting like a bitch for the past few days and it's just frustrating and majorly annoying. 

But we watched The Story of My Life video and cried a little and then Perks Of Being A Wallflower and cried a little more. We then ate dinner with her family and we talked! It was a family dinner and we were all so comfortable talking with each other; it was so much fun! I wish my family would do that but we made it to the stage where we hate each other and it's too late to change that.  

I wish I could trade lives with Emily. She's actually perfect and so is the rest of her family. She's rich, skinny, gorgeous and she has a perfect family. I would actually do anything to switch lives with her. 

Thursday was Halloween which was majorly fun. I went trick or treating with Julia and Jordan which was fun. I dressed up as Sherlock, and Jordan gave me one of her fake cigarettes. We joked around for the night and it was just fun. I don't exactly know what else to say about that. 

I'm skipping Cyan's Halloween party. I mean, I would go but they're both annoying me at the moment and there won't be any other people there from our school. It would suck overall. 

So that's it for today. 

Love always,

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 6

This week so far has been.... Interesting. Not that much big stuff has happened but it's still been a little weird. 

Like yesterday Bethanie said to me and I quote exactly "not to be weird or anything but you're like really pretty" but I did find it weird. I haven't exactly been trying for the past few days just because I can't be bothered. It's not bad again or anything but I just don't want to be at school. I hate school. 

I updated Abused this morning! Yay! But that's only because I started Writing Month yesterday and got 10 pages, 10 pages in. That's 5 pages in a day. That's 5 pages in an hour or so! Isn't that amazing?

And as for right now, I'm procrastinating my homework and watching Zoey 101 while waiting for the X Factor to come on. I just want my Demi! Well that and I like to see what they do on the X Factor. It's my inspiration. I'm actually thinking about auditioning for next year. It would be fun and I think I could get a whole lot better before the auditions come up. This could just be my chance!

So I think that's it.... If I forgot something it will definitely be in the next post because everything is important enough to be in here. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 5

I'm writing again. Yay! All I've been doing is thinking about writing another post for the past 2 days I believe. But quite a lot has happened. 

To start it off, I dyed my hair! It's nothing too major, just some low lights and a peek-a-boo. I honesty think that it looks pretty good but I'm not exactly the best with knowing what "looks good" nowadays. 

I also (finally) got my Sherlock coat! That's exciting. I already have the blue scarf from a week ago and now I have the jacket! I can finally play Sherlock for a day. 

Yesterday I got invited to Cyan's Halloween party. I'm not too sure on what to expect; I've never been to a Halloween party before. Although being invited makes me feel popular. That and texting Caroline, Emily, Julia and Alexis all the time. They're hilarious. We have this group chat thingy and they seem to always be talking on it and making jokes. It's great. 

Caroline boosted my confidence a little last night. She said I was skinny. That's the one thing I've been wanting to hear so lately I've been watching my legs and how much of a gap I have in between them. I know that my stomach isn't very good though so I don't even bother. The point is that I'm feeling better about myself but not enough to make me eat regularly. 

On Monday I'll be starting Writing Month - November. I know it's still October but I'm really excited to start. Writing Month is when I wake up at 5 AM and get ready as I usually do but quicker and write for the remaining time of which I'm guessing is about an hour. It gets a ton of writing in. Oh, but I only do it on days that I have school. Waking up at 5 AM on a Saturday is no bueno. 

And can I just talk about how amazing The Fault In Our Stars is? It's absolutely incredible. I've just been rereading it and highlighting the most important things and words I'd like to learn. I have a feeling this book will stick with me. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 4

Alright, I broke the promise. I honestly don't have an excuse, I've been writing in my planner for the whole school year 'blog post' but haven't gotten around to it.  And now that I was going to write this post, my laptop doesn't work. Thanks for that, Toshiba! 

But school has been going fine. I feel a bit more confident this year than last year. But that makes sense seeing how I was at such a bad place in my mind at the time. It's much better now if you're asking. 

I've made a few new friends; Ava, Rachel and Emily. They're all friends with each other so when I became friends with Emily from Julia, I was automatically friends with Ava and Rachel. It's not a bad thing though, they're funny and they can both sing amazingly (I didn't actually hear them. I'm just going off of what Julia says). 

I think this year has potential. I feel myself  changing every second. 

I got back from DC on Saturday night. The money it cost was well worth it. I felt it was a bit too short but we got a ton of things in thanks to the teachers making us wake up at 6 AM then getting back at the hotel around 10 PM. We saw a tom of stuff there and lucky for me, I got quite a few pictures printed from my phone. 

The first picture features the capital and toe memorials I can't remember the name of. The second one is (from left to right) me, Julia, Ava and Lizzy. We couldn't find Rachel but Emily stayed home. 

At DC, I found a friend. His name is Jack. *squels* yes, he's a guy and yes, I do like him. He's one of those funny guys who are also very attractive which isn't fair to people like me who like funny and attractive guys. But anyways, I saw next to him on the plane and during dinner the first night. We're now Beanie Buddies as he now calls it because we were both wearing beanies (mine because he was wearing one) and asdfghjkl; he's perfect. I hope that I talk to him soon. 

I should probably end this, I don't want to drag it on forever like some people (aka me) so this is a temporary goodbye. I'll make sure to write another post/ chapter soon. 

Love, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 3

Why hello again! Didn't expect to see you here, actually I did. But anyways, here I am.

Lizzy stayed over longer than expected. She came over at 4 PM on Friday and left at 7 PM on Saturday. Yep. It's not like I wanted her to stay that long. The movie ended around 5 ish so I was expecting her to leave at 6 or something. The only reason I didn't get tired of her at 3 PM was because we were watching a movie so that doesn't count. I just wanted her to leave already!

We watched all the Sherlock episodes. I don't know if she liked them or not, it was hard to tell. But she did watch all of them through with me and made Sherlock jokes a lot. Like we were at one of the new stores in the EP mall and I found a skull (fake, of course) and we joked that it was Sherlock's friend as he said in the show. Also, True Love (P!nk) came on the radio and we both agreed that it reminded us of John and Sherlock. It being from John's point of view, of course.

I finally printed out my binder covers today! You can see them here if you were wondering about them. Also, I got my wall decals and a new backpack as well as a lap desk thing for a laptop. It's been a pretty good day so far.

Tomorrow school starts. School means homework and the populars as well as waking up at 6 AM. It really, really sucks. I kind of wish I was homeschooled; I would imagine it would be easier. This year Lizzy and I only have one class together so I'm hoping to branch out and find new friends. I'd really like a guy friend but that won't be happening this year, I can just feel it. I also want a boyfriend which also won't happen.

I may sound like I'm being hard on myself but I'm not entirely. I'm mostly being hard on the guys. They're not mature yet so I think I'll have to wait until sometime in high school when they still aren't mature yet but more mature than middle schoolers.

I think I'm going to go to eat and write so I'll be updating you on school in a little while. I promise.

Love,

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 2

I'm writing this because I have nothing better to do. Okay, that's a lie. I could be cleaning my room or writing right now. I was telling myself a few days ago to clean my room but didn't exactly have a reason to until now. Lizzy and I are going to be having a sleepover on Friday (30 August) on to Saturday. This normally wouldn't be a big deal, right? Well it is.

Lizzy and I rarely have sleepovers at my house. We've been close friends for almost a year and we've slept over at my house twice. Yep. You know when you have a friend and there's always one house you usually sleep at? That house would be Lizzy's in my situation. I believe it's just the fact her basement is larger than mine or that we both sleep on my bed and spend most of our time in my bedroom. It's quite sad, really.

This morning, I did a few quizzes. They were depression quizzes and well, I think I've just been diagnosed with severe depression. That didn't make me relieved. If anything, it made me even more depressed. I went on Tumblr and somehow got under the "depression" tag, "self harm" tag and "pro ana" tag.

I feel like I've been losing myself, like there's no point of living really. I could swallow those pills right now if I wanted to. But no, I promised a friend I'd try and be strong. Becky, if you're reading this, I love you. I really do. You've been helping me through this when everyone else assumes I'm fine.

Enough with all of this depressing shit.I'm starting on a new book about spies. It sounds cheesy but it really isn't. I was thinking about it while on Tumblr. I have been thinking suicidal thoughts, yes. But there's a difference with thinking about it and actually doing it and that's where my story kicks in.

I decided I can't kill off Abigail in Abused nor Charlotte in TET. That would be absolutely cruel. So I decided that in LMS I would have Acacia commit suicide at the very end of the book. I know it's still cruel but I think it would add a nice twist to the book. And then the last chapter or two is from the guy that she's in a relationship with. It will make a more original story as well as prove that not all stories have happy endings.

But anyways, I better go finish off this role-play of Johnlock on Omegle. I'm playing Sherlock as always. I never know how to play John so I immediately take the role of Sherlock. But anyways, I better finish that and clean my room seeing as I've been putting it off for the whole day. Oops.

Love, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 1

The meaning of the title of the post is simple in my mind. I like to think of my life as a book, so this is the start of it. And yes, I am a writer. That's the first thing you know about me I guess. Let's go over the simple facts.

Hello, my name is Maddy Iverson. I'm 13 years-old even though I act like much older due to my experiences and the books and movies I've read. I know things most people my age don't. I found out the hard truth from writing and reading at an early age.

As I've been bringing it up a lot, I must put in that I write books and fanfiction on Wattpad. I'm working on one called Abused, it's a One Direction fanfiction. But not all that I write is fanfiction. As well as Abused, I am working on a story called The English Teacher with my friend - Lizzy Chalupsky - and right now we're on the 15 chapter which I'm working on. 

I don't exactly know why I started a blog; I was bored I guess. I've been writing in a diary for a month but that isn't just doing it for me. Plus, this is harder for other people to find. It's more private yet a lot more public. 

I currently reside in Minnesota, the city is unknown for the internet for privacy purposes. I know, I'm caring about privacy when I'm posting my thoughts and actions onto the internet. But I do think that you knowing I'm from Minnesota is good enough. I'm not happy with living here, in Minnesota. I'd love to live in London. Something about it captivates me, something about it makes me dream to live there. And someday, I will. 

Someday I'm hoping to get a flat (apartment) in London with a cat named Sherlock. I want a large bookcase filled with only the best of books. I want to live the life I think I deserve. When I think of it, it reminds me of a life you'd read about in a book. 

You know, a young adult living with herself and a cat, spending her days writing and reading. Drinking tea without a care in the world. Other than my job, that is. 

It seems that I have my whole life planned out but I know for a fact it won't turn out that way. 

Enough with my future, let's talk about what's really important: now. 

As well as reading, writing, and tumblr, I also enjoy singing a little bit. Okay, that's an understatement. I've been singing since I was about 6 I believe. I used to watch American Idol with my dad on the TV and I told myself back then "I'm going to impress Simon Cowell someday". With my singing of course. I forgot about that dream for awhile and then the X Factor came along with One Direction making it's way into my life where I was reunited with my dream. So I'm now working on my singing voice and I'm hoping to audition for the X Factor someday. It would be lovely to tell people my story. 

So since I haven't got another clue about what else to write about and the fact that I need to write 2 chapter tonight, I'm going to leave this here.

Love, 

Maddy Iverson