I'm writing this because I have nothing better to do. Okay, that's a lie. I could be cleaning my room or writing right now. I was telling myself a few days ago to clean my room but didn't exactly have a reason to until now. Lizzy and I are going to be having a sleepover on Friday (30 August) on to Saturday. This normally wouldn't be a big deal, right? Well it is.
Lizzy and I rarely have sleepovers at my house. We've been close friends for almost a year and we've slept over at my house twice. Yep. You know when you have a friend and there's always one house you usually sleep at? That house would be Lizzy's in my situation. I believe it's just the fact her basement is larger than mine or that we both sleep on my bed and spend most of our time in my bedroom. It's quite sad, really.
This morning, I did a few quizzes. They were depression quizzes and well, I think I've just been diagnosed with severe depression. That didn't make me relieved. If anything, it made me even more depressed. I went on Tumblr and somehow got under the "depression" tag, "self harm" tag and "pro ana" tag.
I feel like I've been losing myself, like there's no point of living really. I could swallow those pills right now if I wanted to. But no, I promised a friend I'd try and be strong. Becky, if you're reading this, I love you. I really do. You've been helping me through this when everyone else assumes I'm fine.
Enough with all of this depressing shit.I'm starting on a new book about spies. It sounds cheesy but it really isn't. I was thinking about it while on Tumblr. I have been thinking suicidal thoughts, yes. But there's a difference with thinking about it and actually doing it and that's where my story kicks in.
I decided I can't kill off Abigail in Abused nor Charlotte in TET. That would be absolutely cruel. So I decided that in LMS I would have Acacia commit suicide at the very end of the book. I know it's still cruel but I think it would add a nice twist to the book. And then the last chapter or two is from the guy that she's in a relationship with. It will make a more original story as well as prove that not all stories have happy endings.
But anyways, I better go finish off this role-play of Johnlock on Omegle. I'm playing Sherlock as always. I never know how to play John so I immediately take the role of Sherlock. But anyways, I better finish that and clean my room seeing as I've been putting it off for the whole day. Oops.
Love,
Maddy Iverson
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