Chapter 10

A big load of shit has been happening. So let's start with the stuff that's bothering me the most. 

Lizzy's apparently cutting again and wants to kill herself. In my mind, it's selfish. Hear me out, okay? So she drops the bomb on Julia and I and expect us to like, heal her or something. We keep saying that we love her and shit but she keeps saying how "love isn't enough" and shit. It's so annoying. I do feel a little guilty though. She sent us a long paragraph explaining it and I showed it to my mom and my mom called Anne (Lizzy's mom) and I think she's thinking about sending her somewhere. I'm a bit worried but I hope she gets better if this is actually real and not a way to seek attention.  She's a very big attention seeker. 

Along with the Lizzy drama, we have the Emily and Caroline drama. So Caroline is pissed at Julia for some reason and I got dragged into it. Caroline also convinced Emily to hate her so that's happening. Julia and I have been sticking together and are in a fight with Caroline and Emily. From the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong but if you get deeper you'd see that we've been in this fight for about 2 weeks now. In short, we're all in a fight but no one has noticed because we're eating lunch together. 

It seems that David and I are drifting. I have a theory it has to do with me spending more and more time with Julia. She's great company. Although, I do miss talking to David all the time. He's very sweet and makes me feel just a little bit better about myself. 

It makes me feel just the bit better. 

Very good news; my scars on my wrist have faded! I'm now able to wear whatever I want and not have to wear a jacket so yay! 

Bad news again. Julia and I got the chance to meet Bethany Mota (MacBarbie07) at the MOA but when we got there, there was already about 600 people ahead of us so we didn't get to meet her. The thing that really makes me upset is that we actually went there thinking we were going to get to meet her opposed to when I saw One Direction there two years ago and I actually knew I wasn't going to meet them. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. 

I think I'm done ranting now, so byeeeeee! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 9

Today was quite eventful. 

To start it off, I ended up crying on the bus. I had a mental breakdown and I spent half the time on the bus trying not the cry and the other half crying. Some girl was sitting next to me (I didn't know her) and I was listening to music when I had a sudden realisation that my friends are leaving me. Before I started crying, Lizzy gave me Louis back and I pretended to be happy. But after the girl and Julia left, Lilly came and sat next to me as I wiped away remaining tears. I don't know if she knew that I was crying or not but she asked me if I was okay so I'm assuming she knew. 

Emily and Julia haven't really talked to me for weeks and Caroline soon joined them. Lizzy seems to be spending a shit more time with Julia, making me even more alone. I feel like they've all left me. And I've never felt more alone in my life. 

Even at our choir concert I felt alone. It was the first day I actually wore a short sleeved shirt because the scars in my wrist are starting to fade enough to not notice them as easily when I put concealer on them. It doesn't help that I made a complete fool out of myself. 

I don't think I want to go on with this...I'm tired and feel like writing a poem. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 8

Been a while, huh? I apologise, I'm not exactly in the mood to write a blog lost especially what this one is going to be about. 

I've been getting bad again. There's new scars covering my forearm and I haven't eaten in a while. But on the good side, I should be skinny by 2014 if I eat less than 700 calories every day and exercise. It's a good thought. 

As for the whole cutting thing, I don't know how to explain that. I've been trying to clear them up on my arm and continue somewhere hidden, I hate having to hide them under long sleeve shirts of which I'm running out of. 

Lizzy and I are planning to make a movie. It reminds me of The Perks Of Beinf a Wallflower but we're doing it different. Olivia is going to be a cross dresser in it! And I'm trying to get Matthew, my brother, in it. It's going to be mostly improv and hilarious. 

There's someone that I met a while back (elementary school) that has sort of made a comeback into my life. David Lyon. Yes, a guy! He likes to write and read, play video games and we basically have a ton in common. It's a nice thought. We both support Manchester United and Chelsea which is quite amazing and we talk about football often. We've been talking for a few weeks and well, it makes me happy. He sends me goodnight poems sometimes or good morning poems... He's an amazing writer. He never shares his work though which is disappointing. One more thing about him, he's in love with someone. I don't know who it is though. I had a feeling it was me but I know for a fact now that it isn't. Nobody likes me. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 7

Well that last post was short. 

Yesterday I went to Emily's with Julia. Yes, no Lizzy thank god. She annoys me plus it gave me a chance to talk about her and sorta put myself out there. Not in that way but more of a way that I can make new and better friends. Lizzy's kinda annoying me anyways. She's just been acting like a bitch for the past few days and it's just frustrating and majorly annoying. 

But we watched The Story of My Life video and cried a little and then Perks Of Being A Wallflower and cried a little more. We then ate dinner with her family and we talked! It was a family dinner and we were all so comfortable talking with each other; it was so much fun! I wish my family would do that but we made it to the stage where we hate each other and it's too late to change that.  

I wish I could trade lives with Emily. She's actually perfect and so is the rest of her family. She's rich, skinny, gorgeous and she has a perfect family. I would actually do anything to switch lives with her. 

Thursday was Halloween which was majorly fun. I went trick or treating with Julia and Jordan which was fun. I dressed up as Sherlock, and Jordan gave me one of her fake cigarettes. We joked around for the night and it was just fun. I don't exactly know what else to say about that. 

I'm skipping Cyan's Halloween party. I mean, I would go but they're both annoying me at the moment and there won't be any other people there from our school. It would suck overall. 

So that's it for today. 

Love always,

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 6

This week so far has been.... Interesting. Not that much big stuff has happened but it's still been a little weird. 

Like yesterday Bethanie said to me and I quote exactly "not to be weird or anything but you're like really pretty" but I did find it weird. I haven't exactly been trying for the past few days just because I can't be bothered. It's not bad again or anything but I just don't want to be at school. I hate school. 

I updated Abused this morning! Yay! But that's only because I started Writing Month yesterday and got 10 pages, 10 pages in. That's 5 pages in a day. That's 5 pages in an hour or so! Isn't that amazing?

And as for right now, I'm procrastinating my homework and watching Zoey 101 while waiting for the X Factor to come on. I just want my Demi! Well that and I like to see what they do on the X Factor. It's my inspiration. I'm actually thinking about auditioning for next year. It would be fun and I think I could get a whole lot better before the auditions come up. This could just be my chance!

So I think that's it.... If I forgot something it will definitely be in the next post because everything is important enough to be in here. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 5

I'm writing again. Yay! All I've been doing is thinking about writing another post for the past 2 days I believe. But quite a lot has happened. 

To start it off, I dyed my hair! It's nothing too major, just some low lights and a peek-a-boo. I honesty think that it looks pretty good but I'm not exactly the best with knowing what "looks good" nowadays. 

I also (finally) got my Sherlock coat! That's exciting. I already have the blue scarf from a week ago and now I have the jacket! I can finally play Sherlock for a day. 

Yesterday I got invited to Cyan's Halloween party. I'm not too sure on what to expect; I've never been to a Halloween party before. Although being invited makes me feel popular. That and texting Caroline, Emily, Julia and Alexis all the time. They're hilarious. We have this group chat thingy and they seem to always be talking on it and making jokes. It's great. 

Caroline boosted my confidence a little last night. She said I was skinny. That's the one thing I've been wanting to hear so lately I've been watching my legs and how much of a gap I have in between them. I know that my stomach isn't very good though so I don't even bother. The point is that I'm feeling better about myself but not enough to make me eat regularly. 

On Monday I'll be starting Writing Month - November. I know it's still October but I'm really excited to start. Writing Month is when I wake up at 5 AM and get ready as I usually do but quicker and write for the remaining time of which I'm guessing is about an hour. It gets a ton of writing in. Oh, but I only do it on days that I have school. Waking up at 5 AM on a Saturday is no bueno. 

And can I just talk about how amazing The Fault In Our Stars is? It's absolutely incredible. I've just been rereading it and highlighting the most important things and words I'd like to learn. I have a feeling this book will stick with me. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 4

Alright, I broke the promise. I honestly don't have an excuse, I've been writing in my planner for the whole school year 'blog post' but haven't gotten around to it.  And now that I was going to write this post, my laptop doesn't work. Thanks for that, Toshiba! 

But school has been going fine. I feel a bit more confident this year than last year. But that makes sense seeing how I was at such a bad place in my mind at the time. It's much better now if you're asking. 

I've made a few new friends; Ava, Rachel and Emily. They're all friends with each other so when I became friends with Emily from Julia, I was automatically friends with Ava and Rachel. It's not a bad thing though, they're funny and they can both sing amazingly (I didn't actually hear them. I'm just going off of what Julia says). 

I think this year has potential. I feel myself  changing every second. 

I got back from DC on Saturday night. The money it cost was well worth it. I felt it was a bit too short but we got a ton of things in thanks to the teachers making us wake up at 6 AM then getting back at the hotel around 10 PM. We saw a tom of stuff there and lucky for me, I got quite a few pictures printed from my phone. 

The first picture features the capital and toe memorials I can't remember the name of. The second one is (from left to right) me, Julia, Ava and Lizzy. We couldn't find Rachel but Emily stayed home. 

At DC, I found a friend. His name is Jack. *squels* yes, he's a guy and yes, I do like him. He's one of those funny guys who are also very attractive which isn't fair to people like me who like funny and attractive guys. But anyways, I saw next to him on the plane and during dinner the first night. We're now Beanie Buddies as he now calls it because we were both wearing beanies (mine because he was wearing one) and asdfghjkl; he's perfect. I hope that I talk to him soon. 

I should probably end this, I don't want to drag it on forever like some people (aka me) so this is a temporary goodbye. I'll make sure to write another post/ chapter soon. 

Love, 

Maddy Iverson