Chapter 11

Secret Santa was today; that was fun! Although I didn't get to stick around because I had a book blog meeting in the library during lunch. But I finally got the present I've been wanting for weeks now! Well, ever since summer really. Ava got me and gave me a ton of stuff and I love her for it! My present to Alexis wasn't too fancy, just some sweets and a phone case. I also gave her one of my charms that I sorta collect because I was feeling nice. I hope she liked it. Here's a picture of what Ava got me:

The thing on the scarf is a bracelet. She made both the scarf and the bracelet which is super cool! She also got me tea and some British candy which is rikenrjdjekrkejehndnrjer and a phone case that says "Patty Cakes" do to a inside joke involving The Perks Of Being a Wallflower. 

But last night wasn't too good for me. I may or may not have had a mental breakdown and tried to kill myself. It was nothing major, I just tried strangling myself and I almost passed out. I don't think it's possible to even strangle yourself anyways so I guess I'll have to find another way. Pills were my first option and I didn't have any in hand at the moment, making it impossible for me to successfully do it. 

Nothing else really happened. I've been writing and reading a lot though if that counts and been doing some more crafts such as spray painting a skull that I named Ezra. 

With just an hour or so until I need to get my pictures up, I think I'm going to read more. I'm trying to finish up Eleanor & Park. It's a really good book! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 9

Today was quite eventful. 

To start it off, I ended up crying on the bus. I had a mental breakdown and I spent half the time on the bus trying not the cry and the other half crying. Some girl was sitting next to me (I didn't know her) and I was listening to music when I had a sudden realisation that my friends are leaving me. Before I started crying, Lizzy gave me Louis back and I pretended to be happy. But after the girl and Julia left, Lilly came and sat next to me as I wiped away remaining tears. I don't know if she knew that I was crying or not but she asked me if I was okay so I'm assuming she knew. 

Emily and Julia haven't really talked to me for weeks and Caroline soon joined them. Lizzy seems to be spending a shit more time with Julia, making me even more alone. I feel like they've all left me. And I've never felt more alone in my life. 

Even at our choir concert I felt alone. It was the first day I actually wore a short sleeved shirt because the scars in my wrist are starting to fade enough to not notice them as easily when I put concealer on them. It doesn't help that I made a complete fool out of myself. 

I don't think I want to go on with this...I'm tired and feel like writing a poem. 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson