Chapter 20

It's only been a few days but I knew that if I didn't make a post now, I would forget. While reading Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe which I am still reading, Ari makes diary entries but instead of actually writing it out like this, it's a list. I'm thinking of doing that but then explaining them after the list. So here we go!

-Lizzy and I are friends again
-Julia stayed home from school
-I'm now punk rock
-Trying to be funny
-Going to a writing party on Saturday

Julia is sick, so she stayed home from school today. I felt very lost and out of place.Julia is like my anchor and she sorta guides me around. I'm not really friends with Caroline and Emily like Julia is, so I thought it was awkward to sit with them at lunch. I even considered ditching lunch and going to the bathroom, not eating anything. Or worrying about who I should sit with.

This brings me to the point before that. So earlier this morning, I decided I've had enough of it being awkward between Lizzy and I. So I told her that I want to be friends again and start talking again. That and I realised that it's sort of awkward only being close to Julia. So we've been talking all day (mostly about writing) and it's been pretty cool.

Today in advisory, I was talking to Madie and Caroline. Now, I don't really like Madie that much. She's kind of annoying and a goody-two-shoes. I really like Caroline. She's a really cool person and I kind of want to be like her. So Madie wrote a poem saying that I liked 1D and stuff. Caroline decided to write a poem about me. It went like this:

Maddy is the name
Being punk rock is the game
7:15 is the best
I sit at home and re-read it until it updates in my nest
Ashton Irwin is hot
You are not
My favorite color is black
I also enjoy snacks
Muke is my OTP
I've really gotta pee
I love Converse and Vans
Almost as much as I love bands
5 Seconds of Summer?
I like the drummer

Now what I really got out of that poem is that I'm punk rock. For a while, I've been doing my best to have a label. I really, really, really wanted to be punk rock because being punk rock is awesome! So the fact that Caroline said that I'm punk rock really made me believe it. I think that Caroline is punk rock too. She doesn't realise that we both have a lot in common, the punk rock thing included. Yet she likes Emily who's the complete opposite of us. I just really want to be good friends with Caroline.

For the past while, I've been doing my best to not only be punk rock, but funny. People like funny people and I don't' exactly categorise myself as funny. So I've also been trying to be funny and to get people to listen to me instead of talking over me and/or ignoring me completely. So far, I'm partially succeeding at the funny part but the second part is tough. I've been trying to note when other people talk and how they get noticed and doing that, but it isn't working. Maybe I just need to try harder.

Lizzy texted me while writing this so I decided to add it. She wants to have a "writing party" with the two of us. Our plan is to go to the mall Starbucks and sit there and write. She's going to bring her notebook and I'm going to bring my laptop since writing goes by a lot faster there. Plus, I don't have to type it all out later on. But since Rainbow Rowell and John Green sometimes write in coffee shops and it's proven that you're more productive in a coffee shop, I'm hoping to get a lot done. I don't know how long we'll be there but my goal is to have a chapter done. I still can't decide if I want to write When We Leave or I Still Love You but I'm thinking ISLY since she met Harry in the coffee shop. Yeah, definitely ISLY.

Love always,

Maddy Iverson

Chapter 15

My problem with these is that I keep telling myself to do them and then I forget so I forget for quite a while. I need to work on that. 

So today I skipped school. Nothing interesting came from it except getting to sleep longer and being home alone for a few hours. It was fun though. I read for a while and planned some of my new story. Hell, I even named it today. It took a while but I finally chose What We Had because I'm going to kill off the main guy in the end like John Green. Oops? 

I still haven't spoken to Lizzy. She's being a bitch to Julia about it and keeps asking her to give her homework over so she can copy it. Although Lizzy got a few assignments from Julia, she's failing a few classes and the others are soon-to-be failing classes. Not only that but she also has this friend Rachel that's apparently a girlfriend. Lizzy's known her for a few months and they're already planning on Lizzy going to Manchester (Rachel lives there) so they can meet up. But I have a feeling Rachel isn't who Lizzy thinks she is. 

Julia and I have been getting closer. We're constantly texting and hanging out mostly on the weekends. I can remember when I started this, I didn't like her but now I do. On Saturday we went to the mall and before that I would just go over to her house and we would talk for hours and play Minecraft. Doing all of this with her is making me feel like a normal teenager and not who I was a year ago let alone months ago. 

Makenna is reading a lot too. She seems to think that reading is the only thing that matters when in reality, she should be doing her homework. I know she has it but as soon as she got home she started reading and hasn't stopped since. Literally. She didn't even eat dinner or take a shower. 

Speaking of books, I got 100,000 reads on Abused! I started crying when I saw it and screamed because I never expected this. When I started writing it, I thought i would get a hundred reads or so but 100,000?! That's absolutely incredible and seriously a dream come true. I had always dreamed of getting 100,000 and now I have accomplished it. It's an indescribable feeling. 

Love always,

Maddy Iverson. 

Chapter 14

I'm only doing this entry so early so I don't forget. But hey, it's still an entry. 

So I've finally gotten one of my books! It's the only one that has come so far and it's called Voluntary Madness: My Year Lost and Found in the Loony Bin and I haven't started it yet but I know it's going to be good. I'm saying that it's research for a book I'll be writing but I don't know if I'll actually be writing the book. I'm planning on writing it (if I do) during November for NaNoWriMo but as I said before, I don't know yet. 

I still haven't talked to Lizzy. She keeps asking Julia about me and stuff which is annoying both her and me. Honestly, I don't want to talk to her. It wasn't just the fact that she assumed that but she assumed it without knowing anything about my life which pissed me off. She doesn't know that I'm starving myself every night, how I slit my wrist or even about my inner demons. She doesn't know about my schizophrenia or anxiety. She knows absolutely nothing about me yet she goes and says "I bet my life is ten times worse than yours" when she knows nothing about me. 

So not only is it awkward during lunch when Julia has to sit in the space between us but during Maths when I sit in the aisle seat and next to Lizzy. I think our teacher has noticed too because we're usually talking a lot and it's been toe days of that class (because of winter break) and I've been absolutely silent except when she asks me a question. 

Unlike last year, I'm actually keeping up with my homework and keeping my grades up. I have all A's and B's except for two classes. Science because I did bad on a test so getting in more assignments will raise it and then English. Only now have I found out that I'm missing a worksheet so I'm going to get that done and turn it in. That's actually a huge improvement from last year since I had about 6 missing assignments from each class and was basically failing everything. It makes me happy that I'm not in that place anymore. 

To improve my English and writing skills, I've decided to start editing peoples stories. So I put a post on an editor thread on Wattpad and got a ton of responses. Sadly, I'm not able to do them all but I have a few that I'm doing to help with that. Not only am I helping myself, but I'm helping other people. Whether it's the hundreds of people reading it, thankful to the correct grammar or the person writing it. It makes me happier as well. 

So I think that's it. I'll try not to forget another post like I did last time but I can't make any promises!

Love always,

Maddy Iverson 

Chapter 10

A big load of shit has been happening. So let's start with the stuff that's bothering me the most. 

Lizzy's apparently cutting again and wants to kill herself. In my mind, it's selfish. Hear me out, okay? So she drops the bomb on Julia and I and expect us to like, heal her or something. We keep saying that we love her and shit but she keeps saying how "love isn't enough" and shit. It's so annoying. I do feel a little guilty though. She sent us a long paragraph explaining it and I showed it to my mom and my mom called Anne (Lizzy's mom) and I think she's thinking about sending her somewhere. I'm a bit worried but I hope she gets better if this is actually real and not a way to seek attention.  She's a very big attention seeker. 

Along with the Lizzy drama, we have the Emily and Caroline drama. So Caroline is pissed at Julia for some reason and I got dragged into it. Caroline also convinced Emily to hate her so that's happening. Julia and I have been sticking together and are in a fight with Caroline and Emily. From the outside, it looks like nothing is wrong but if you get deeper you'd see that we've been in this fight for about 2 weeks now. In short, we're all in a fight but no one has noticed because we're eating lunch together. 

It seems that David and I are drifting. I have a theory it has to do with me spending more and more time with Julia. She's great company. Although, I do miss talking to David all the time. He's very sweet and makes me feel just a little bit better about myself. 

It makes me feel just the bit better. 

Very good news; my scars on my wrist have faded! I'm now able to wear whatever I want and not have to wear a jacket so yay! 

Bad news again. Julia and I got the chance to meet Bethany Mota (MacBarbie07) at the MOA but when we got there, there was already about 600 people ahead of us so we didn't get to meet her. The thing that really makes me upset is that we actually went there thinking we were going to get to meet her opposed to when I saw One Direction there two years ago and I actually knew I wasn't going to meet them. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. 

I think I'm done ranting now, so byeeeeee! 

Love always, 

Maddy Iverson