The funeral was Oct. 15th. I had a behind the wheel right before that so I was rushing to the funeral. There was so many fucking people which was another reminder that she was too young. Of course, I was introduced to so many people and all of them felt bad for me and tried to make up for it by calling me pretty.
I had to sneak off to calm myself down about 20 times but I only cried half the time. The speeches were the worst because it made you remember Diane; I couldn't push it away anymore.
After the funeral, we went out for dinner since we were all hungry and we needed some time to cool down. I got hot chocolate and a caesar salad. Weird mixture but both were great.
Anyways, it's been a really hard time for me and the rest of my family. Losing someone close to you is possibly the hardest thing anyone will have to go through. I don't wish this feeling upon anyone. We got to say goodbye but not to her conscious self. We said goodbye to the body in the hospital bed, connected to a million tubes and wires all at once.
It's been so hard to keep up with homework when filled with feelings of despair. I don't want to end up in the same place I was last year, but it's been so hard. I keep David's words in my head to keep trying and what I think is trying isn't all that I'm capable of. If I miss one assignment, I just keep missing more and more.
Tomorrow is my 16th birthday. Because of my childhood dreams, I feel like it's a bit of a disappointment. I've always dreamed of this huge party with a DJ and at a sick club with a thousand people. I have way more friends than I used to but I don't think a lot of them would go to a party, and I don't think I want them to go anyways.
Love always,
Maddy Iverson
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