Chapter 25

Diane died. October 10, 2015 at 2:50 pm her heart stopped beating. I was told before I had gone to work that Saturday and throughout the rest of the day, I just felt numb. It still doesn't feel like she's gone. I was going to see how much and how well I slept that night but I didn't find any data so I think I slept in my moms bed.

The funeral was Oct. 15th. I had a behind the wheel right before that so I was rushing to the funeral. There was so many fucking people which was another reminder that she was too young. Of course, I was introduced to so many people and all of them felt bad for me and tried to make up for it by calling me pretty.

I had to sneak off to calm myself down about 20 times but I only cried half the time. The speeches were the worst because it made you remember Diane; I couldn't push it away anymore.

After the funeral, we went out for dinner since we were all hungry and we needed some time to cool down. I got hot chocolate and a caesar salad. Weird mixture but both were great.

 

Anyways, it's been a really hard time for me and the rest of my family. Losing someone close to you is possibly the hardest thing anyone will have to go through. I don't wish this feeling upon anyone. We got to say goodbye but not to her conscious self. We said goodbye to the body in the hospital bed, connected to a million tubes and wires all at once. 

It's been so hard to keep up with homework when filled with feelings of despair.  I don't want to end up in the same place I was last year, but it's been so hard. I keep David's words in my head to keep trying and what I think is trying isn't all that I'm capable of. If I miss one assignment, I just keep missing more and more.

Tomorrow is my 16th birthday. Because of my childhood dreams, I feel like it's a bit of a disappointment. I've always dreamed of this huge party with a DJ and at a sick club with a thousand people. I have way more friends than I used to but I don't think a lot of them would go to a party, and I don't think I want them to go anyways. 

Love always,

 Maddy Iverson

Chapter 24

Last week on Wednesday, my aunt went into cardiac arrest. This was a shock because a) she had doctors checking up on her a lot more and b) no one was expecting it, she's healthy. Luckily, she was already at the hospital because of her chemo and an ER doctor was passing by. My cousin says he was a guardian angel.

Two doctors were performing CPR on her for 45 minutes, which I later found out was a long time. Doctors usually stopped around 20 minutes. But for some reason, they kept going. It was for the best. They got her alive and to the ER, hooked up to a million machines and put her into a coma to keep her alive and stable.

There was so much hope for her because she was doing so well. They found some blood clots in her lungs, so they gave her some kind of medicine to break it down and make the blood run thinner. It did that to an extent. The medicine made about three blood clots go to her brain. Now there's a huge one in her frontal lobe and about half of her frontal lobe is liquid.

Even if she did wake up, she wouldn't be able to eat or do other simple tasks. She wouldn't be happy. So they took her off the medicine that's keeping her in the coma and everyone's waiting to see if she wakes up or if she dies.

We're already talking about her in past tense, as if she was dead. But she basically is. My mom went to her house looking for her will, which she didn't find, and anything else that would have been useful for the doctors and figuring out who gets what. Mom also found her diary, which held one entry. It was the day that we shaved her head, and it was a tragic day. She was a beautiful writer, though. The type of writer I hope that I turn out like.

Diane is basically dead. When we went to the hospital on Thursday, she had so many machines hooked up to her and she was only 33 degrees Celsius. I held her hand and tried not to cry while everyone else was talking about where she was at heath wise. It was just so hard to have to witness something like that. Death. It's everywhere. You can't hide from it. Nobody should have to go through it and I wish I could hide it from my kids, but I couldn't do it.

Anyways, I think that's it. I'm way too sad to talk about anything else and I just want to escape reality by playing Sims.

Love always,

Maddy